Question for you: Have you ever been in love?
I have. Twice in fact. And both experiences were beautiful and challenging and I learned a lot about myself in the process.
If you’re part of my inner circle, you’ll know that I’m not a person who gives her heart away easily, but when I do, I give it fully and I love with everything I have.
Earlier this year, I met a man who was kind, caring, generous and spoiled me like a queen. And really made me feel like I was special.
And it felt really good.
But then over time, I started noticing that I was making a lot of compromises, I was playing small and not caring for myself. I began to silence the parts of me that I felt he didn’t like or couldn’t accept.
And as time went on, I just felt so unhappy. But I couldn’t pinpoint what it was. Stress from work? My expanding waistline? A bit too much on my plate? I couldn’t figure it out until I was talking to a friend about my feelings and I just blurted it out: “I’ve completely stopped doing all the things that filled me up and made me feel vital”.
Exercising 5-6x a week; cooking and eating healthy; spending time alone, quality time with my best girlfriends…I had stopped it all. I was prioritizing my relationship over myself and trying to “make things work” over myself. And to top it all off, I was afraid to express my unhappiness to my partner because he didn’t like to expose himself to negativity.
I felt stuck. Helpless. Scared to express myself. Scared to be me.
NOT okay. Thankfully, I’ve done a ton of work in this area and I was able to see the flashing neon lights that screamed WARNING! DANGER AHEAD! And so, last week, we broke up.
Don’t get me wrong: it was hard and it was sad. There was definitely still love between us, still caring but I honoured myself enough to realize that it just wasn’t enough. I acknowledged that there was a part of me that was sad our relationship had come to an end, but I was surprised to notice that I was also relieved.
Relieved that I was no longer suppressing the parts of me that wanted to be fully expressed.
Relieved that I was now free to be vivacious, sensitive, passionate, UNAPOLOGETIC me.
Relieved that I’d taken a darling leap back into singlehood because I wasn’t willing to settle.
I realized that I needed to get back to taking care of me. I needed to have my needs met. And it wasn’t okay that I felt the need to dim my own light in order to be loved.
You know, the true meaning of self-love is honouring yourself and honouring your needs. When you come from a place of true self-honour, you only make choices that respect and honour the beautiful soul that you are, ESPECIALLY in relationships. And in turn, you only have loving, respectful relationships.
Don’t get me wrong, when you’re in a relationship, it’s not just about you but I think and my message has always been, in order to soar in health, in life, in business and in relationships, you need to first learn to FLY. You need to First Love Yourself.
And when you love and give to yourself first, you have more to love and give to others. When you love yourself first, you can more clearly listen to your inner wisdom and make decisions based on your highest good. Relationships are about give and take, they’re about compromise, and about focusing on those big rocks; the big stuff that’s really important and not getting bogged down by the small, mundane things.
Ultimately, I realized that I wasn’t doing that and as a result, I wasn’t happy and he wasn’t happy. And no one deserves that.
So I honoured myself, I honoured my needs and I made a decision that was right for me. And in the end, the decision was right for both of us.
Breakups are hard, but do you know what’s harder? Living an unhappy life. Having regret. Feeling repressed. When you choose love for yourself over fear of being alone, not being loved or making the “wrong” decision, you will always be steered in the right direction. Everything happens for a reason and while I may not know what that reason is right now, I know, in my heart that I am exactly where I need to be. I choose ME before WE and it feels good.
Now I’d love to hear from you, beautiful – have you ever had to make a difficult decision in your relationship? How did you do it? Share with us in the comments below. This is a safe space for you to open your heart and share from love. You never know, your words may be the very thing someone else needs to read right now.